Never Can Say Goodbye
by Addie's Practice
Summary: Alt-reality episode one-shot. Addison and Derek are still together, how will this affect them? Are they a happy couple or are they miserable together? A different take of what we saw in the episode


**A/N **Hey guys! I know I should be updating my unfinished stories but after watching the lastest episode of Grey's Anatomy I was really dissapointed because I expected something better for Addison and Derek, not the crappy thing we saw. Anyway, I felt like I needed to write what I was really expecting to see. I don't have a beta reader so I'm sorry if I made few mistakes. Enjoy it! I really hope you like this.

**Disclaimer**: Sadly everything belong to Shonda Rhimes

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><p>They were The Shepherds. Seattle Grace's golden couple. They were good Shepherd and Bad Shepherd. Everybody wanted to be like them. They were an amazing team, they were the best. They were Addison and Derek. They were perfect, that was all you could say once you saw them together. The truth is that Addison and Derek were really good with the appearance since nothing of this was like everyone thought, not even their closest friends could see what they were hiding.<p>

The truth is that they weren't this insanely happy marriage. Derek on his side has been very grumpy since he took Addison back but it was the right thing to do, he needed to give her another try at least to feel better about himself even though he wasn't really trying it, he ignored her when she tried to talk about their relationship and the phrase that always answered Addison questions was "_Not now_"

For Addison, she really wanted to make it work. Not only because Derek was the love of her life and probably the only guy she could really feel something stronger than anything else. She wanted to try it because she was carrying their baby, that baby deserved a father and also a family.

They practically weren't living in the same place, Addison spent every night in their house and Derek on his trailer mostly because he wanted to avoid his wife, he still hasn't forgive her for what she did to him. And he wasn't really ready to talk to her about that. He knew that at this point of her pregnancy, Addison wouldn't take thing as she would usually do.

A little part inside of Derek still hated Addison for sleeping with Mark, that's something he wouldn't let go so easily. It doesn't even change because of the baby. He really loved the idea of become a father but as this point of their marriage, a baby wasn't what he wanted, how was he suppose to love to have a baby right after finding out her wife's adultery? He needed time to process this and the fact that they were having a baby in two months wasn't helping him.

He wanted to be excited about this, he really did. But every time Addison started to talk about the baby, the things they needed once the baby is born, all the things she wanted for the baby, the fact that they needed a bigger house since the one where Addison was living was small to raise a baby and the trailer wasn't even an option to live, Derek just walked away whenever he heard this. That was his only solution at the moment.

Every night he spent at the trailer by himself, he couldn't help but start thinking about that baby on the way, the one that he didn't allowed to love as he should. He thought about the birth, even thought Addison and him are not at their best moment, he really wanted to be by her side once the baby comes. He couldn't help but smile thinking about the sleepless nights they are gonna spend once the baby starts crying all night. He pictured the image of himself with his kid on his arms. He only wished he could share those thoughts with the mother of his child.

Just like every single day, after another night only with his thoughts he went to pick Addison at their house so they could go to the hospital together. After a very long and silence drive they went to the hospital. Once they were there, the image of the happy couple appeared. They walked through the halls with a very huge smile on their faces, laughing about anything on their way so they could maintain their status as the perfect couple.

For both of them it was a kid of relief when they had to work, especially for Derek. While he more time he spends avoiding his wife, it's better for him. But this particular day they had this patient together, a pregnant woman whose baby had a very huge brain tumor. Addison could just call anyone else but she knew that her husband was the best.

"What took you so long?" He asked in a very grumpy tone, looking at his wife with on his eyes. She seemed tired, working in the best hospital of the country and being seven months pregnant wasn't the best match.

"I wasn't standing around, Derek. I had to make sure that the mother wouldn't bleed out." She immediately answered as she took a long breath, she would never understand why Derek took her back in the first place, if he doesn't even want around. Why are they still married? Addison asked herself that question every single day. They always find a reason to fight, in this case it was just about work. But there was always something to kept the Shepherds away from the happiness they dreamed of.

"If we wait any longer, she won't even be a mother. It's pressing against the trachea. I need to make sure the airway's secure. The bleeders can't wait. It's gonna take us all day." He said in the same bad tone he always use when it comes to Addison without even looking at her.

"I'm sorry. I know you weren't planning on spending the day with your wife." She answered sarcastically, normally she would know how to handle her husband but now that her body was filled by the pregnancy hormones, all she knew was acting defensive.

"I'll see you in there." He told her as he was leaving the room, without making any kind of eye contact to Addison. He just shook his head and walked away. He couldn't deal with her, at least not right now

"It's a beautiful day to save lives." Addison said still using the sarcasm as a defense. She really wanted to make this work but Derek wasn't making it any easier.

"Nice." Derek simply said and left to check up their patient.

After their very awkward meeting, Addison couldn't help but think if this worth it. She gave up the life she had in Manhattan, her dream house, her own practice and even her friends only to go after Derek. Besides her baby needed a dad and for it, she was willing to take whatever it takes. But she would be lying if she said that she have never thought of leave all of this again so she could set Derek free. She knew that she and her baby were an obligation to Derek and even thought she was willing to do everything, apparently this was so much more than she could take.

Just when they started to operate their patient, Addison still smiled every time she could see her husband working. It was their thing since they were in Med School together, they teased each other with only a glance during their work but apparently Addison was the only one who remembered this, Derek was so focus on his work that if Addison weren't talking about the patient they were working on, he would forget she was there

"I need you to have lunch with the president of the board of the Bryson school tomorrow." Addison said as she was working on the patient, it was the only moment she could actually talk to Derek about them or at least about their baby and knowing he wouldn't walk away as he usually does.

"Why are you talking about this now?" He asked still very focus on his work and not wanting to discuss anything personal in the middle of their OR. It was not the time, actually for him it was never the time. He just didn't like to talk about it.

"Because, Derek, you're never home. You're always spending the night in that stupid trailer on that stupid piece of land planning that stupid house that you're never gonna build." She was right, besides the talking they did at the hospital pretending to be the perfect couple, they barely interacted.

"Pulse ox is dropping. Secure the airway. We're losing her." Derek responded almost with a tone relief that the patient was collapsing, so he could avoid the conversation with his wife.

"I'm working as hard as I can, Derek."

Hours later, right after they finished the surgery, successfully as always and in silent, neither one of them said anything after Addison's attempt to talk about their baby's preschool. They were both washing their hands and as usual, Derek didn't even looked at his wife.

"Did you get the whole tumor? I'm not asking for myself. I'm asking what I should tell the mother..." She asked trying to start a conversation with her husband once again, even though she knew every single move Derek made to fix the patient, she asked anyway

"Just go. I will talk to her myself." He barely answered looking down, if anyone besides Addison heard him talking, they could say that his own wife was the person he hated the most

"So we'll talk about the preschool..." She tried once again to start the conversation, she was actually very excited about this, it was her first child, it wasn't even born but she wanted to have everything ready, even this preschool thing, though for a lot of people would say it was way too early for her to plan this kind of stuff, she wanted to have everything ready for her baby.

"It's gonna be late. I'm gonna stay and look into this clinical trial." He interrupted Addison once again so they won't get a chance to talk, he wasn't even thinking anymore, it was like a self-defense thing he made every time Addison tried to have a decent conversation

"That's great. One more reason for you to stay out of the house. It's fine. Maybe you'll be more interested once the baby comes." She answered crossing her arms and looking at her husband, still hoping he would show any kind of interest on her or at least the baby.

"Right. Everything's gonna be different when the baby comes." He answered in the same tone he's been using since Addison moved to Seattle, like he didn't even care any of this anymore

"Well, a girl can hope."

"Nothing's gonna change. What do you think is gonna change?" He answered now using Addison's sarcasm tone and rolled his eyes as he spoke, he couldn't just wait to get out of there and go to any other place without Addison

"Do you even want a baby?" She slapped, she couldn't just keep this for herself, she's been asking that question on her mind since she told Derek she was pregnant, she didn't ask this before because she was extremely afraid of the answer but at this point this needed to be said

"I didn't say that. Yes, I do want _a baby_." _Okay, he said he wants a baby, he didn't say he wants our baby it's official, he doesn't want this and knowing him as much as I do, he feels like I am pushing him to do this_, was what Addison thought when she heard Derek

"No, I'm not talking about a baby. This baby, with me." She cleared as he rubbed her very pregnant belly, trying her best for not to cry for the fact that her own husband feels trapped on his life with her, now is obvious for her that he doesn't want this life, not with her anyway. There was a very awkward silence since Derek didn't answer her question "Do you love me?" She dared to ask, by the attitude Derek's been having this last few months she knew the answer of this one but she won't accept it until he heard it from Derek's lips "Do you?" She repeated since there was still the awkward silence

"Of course I love you." He answered looking down, he couldn't even look at Addison at the moment, he only answered what she wanted to hear but he wasn't even sure if he loved his wife, at least not right now, he still needed time.

"Can you say it without looking at the floor?" She asked once more, she needed to do something about this. She just couldn't deal with this, not anymore. This was not how she wanted to spend the rest of her life and she didn't want this neither for her baby. She didn't want to spend her life trapped with a guy who can't even love her the way she deserves to be loved. She wasn't gonna be like her mother, she wouldn't settle with Derek only because that's the right thing to do.

He just kept looking at the floor and didn't say anything else, Addison smiled with irony and shook her head. She couldn't even be there so she left, if she saw Derek walking away from her once more, she wouldn't be able to keep it together.

She went straight to the Chief's office and told her that she was quitting the hospital. Derek was the only reason for her to be there and if she couldn't be with him she couldn't stay in Seattle anymore. After she left Ellis's office she went to hers. She wanted allow herself to cry, cry for her husband indifference and crying because she just couldn't pretend to be the perfect couple everyone thought they were. At this point all she wanted was an easy way out of all of this. So she took her blackberry and dialed a familiar number. That was the only thing she could thing to do right now.

After Addison left the scrub-room, Derek stayed there for a while, thinking about everything he has done this last few months next to his wife. Suddenly those thoughts he always had when he was all alone on his trailer came to his mind. The image of his baby on his arms and for the first time he tried to imagine how the baby would be. A perfect combination of him and Addison, probably a black haired with blue intense eyes like his. Without even notice, for the first time he smiled because of the idea of his baby, his and Addison's baby. He started thinking that maybe she was right with all she said, he needed to be there for her, at least in these last few months of her pregnancy.

He left the scrub-room with the same image on his mind but now something changed, he wasn't alone, now he could see Addison by his side with their baby, the baby they made even though their marriage reached a breaking point. He wanted all that, he wanted to be a father and he wanted to be there for their baby. He figured that he needed to leave Addison's mistakes behind in the past where it belongs and look forward to the great future that is waiting for them. He wanted to be with Addison and the family they were about to start.

After trying to find her for several minutes, he finally found her in one room where the attendings always hang out in the little free time they have. As soon as he opened the door, he noticed that his wife was crying. He hated to see her crying and now that she's pregnant he hated it even more. He went and stood in front of her, making eye contact as she dried her own tears with a tissue. Since he knew she wasn't gonna say anything, he went on her knees in front of her a held her hands

"I don't, uh... I d... I don't know what's wrong with me. All I know is that the baby is coming and I want it. You know, it... It may change things. You'll get happier. We'll just take it one step at a time. I want to make it work." He admitted, it was the best he could do. He finally said it, this was what he was feeling and couldn't share before with her.

As he spoke, Addison couldn't just stop crying. She lifted her sight and looked at Derek straight to his eyes.

"I… I don't know how to do this anymore" She could barely speak but she just took a long breathe and looked at her husband "I… I tried to call Mark Sloan" She admitted feeling how her heart started beating fast and even feeling how the baby started moving inside of her. Derek instead changed the look on his face once she mentioned Mark

"W-Why wou… Why would you do that?" He asked now nervous, he knew that when his wife named Mark Sloan it wasn't good for him.

Addison didn't even answer, she just looked down, just like Derek did few hours ago when he was trying to avoid the conversation Addison wanted to start.

"Addison whatever you're trying to say just say it, I'll understand" He asked, he was starting to think that somehow Mark Sloan would take away the picture he had on his mind of his family.

Addison remained on silence and just gave Derek a paper. It wasn't just a paper, it was a paternity test. As soon as he saw the headline he imagined the worse. But when he saw that his own name was in it he could breathe again "Why are you showing me this, Addie?"

Addison just looked at him with his teary eyes and shook her head "All this time… All you have showed me is that you don't want this. That you don't wanna be with me or the baby… So, I wanted to call Mark Sloan and make you believe he was the baby's father… I could deal with being the bad guy, I am always the bad guy when it comes to us… But I just couldn't do that to you… Even though I want to give you a reason to hate me so you can have the right to treat me the way you've been doing… If you don't even want this baby, our baby, I thought it would have been easier for me if I lied to you telling you that you weren't the father… But that wasn't fair for any of us… All I am trying to say is that if you don't wanna be with me or the baby just say it… Because I can't just pretend that we are the perfect couple anymore… Just say it and I'll be on the first plain out of here… You can be involved with the baby as much as you want… And if you don't wanna know anything about it, you won't have to… I don't want us to be an obligation for you" She finally said it, she didn't want to say this but right now she needed to say it since nothing was like she wanted.

Derek felt a heartache as he heard Addison talking, he was really that indifferent that his own wife was thinking this. He looked at her straight to the eyes with tears on his, just nodding as she spoke. Normally he would've felt angry with all of this but he knew deep down he deserved it. Plus in Addison's condition the last thing she needed was that he started to yell at her for something the he knew she was right.

"Addie… I am sorry for making you feel that way… I know I don't seem interested but I am, I meant everything that I just say… I do want to make things work… We just need to take one step at a time to make it work and really try it. I know I haven't try it as hard as I should but I started thinking and just the idea of losing you, scares me. If there's someone I wanna spend the rest of my life with, that's you. You are the only person I want to be the mother of my children…" He placed his hands on Addison's belly and looked at her with a soft smile "… I am really sorry for not realizing that before, I just couldn't overlook the fact that you cheated on me… But now it's time to move on… No more nights in the trailer… And you can come with me to check on our house construction. I promise it would be ready before the baby comes… I know it won't be easy for us to let it all behind but we are gonna make it" He looked at her with his particular dreamy eyes, Addison was the only one who got to see that side of Derek.

Addison just nodded still crying, she couldn't just control that anymore. Since she moved to Seattle, this was all she wanted to hear. "I hope you really mean that" She managed to say with a little laugh

Derek smiled and looked at her straight to the eyes "I do love you and I can say it however you want it too… I just needed some time to think… But you and the baby are my family and that's all it matters"

"Thank you, Derek…" For the first time in months she was listening to the guy she got married and not this grumpy guy he became lately "So… Can we talk about preschool now?" She asked smiling a little holding her husband's hand. Derek just stood up since he was on his knees the whole time and sat next to his wife.

"We'll talk about this Bryson School thing which I think you should go with me, two doctors are most impressive than just one… Why don't we go home first? If we are gonna discuss our baby's future I don't want it to be on this hospital or inside of an OR" He told his wife laughing with her as he helped her to get off the sofa they were sit

"Okay then… Let's go home"

Even when they thought than nothing could save their marriage, all they needed to do was talk about how they felt with this. They weren't gonna be the perfect couple they seemed to be, not even the golden couple. They were just gonna work to make things right this time and give them a real try, after all they're Addison and Derek and they don't quit.

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><p><strong>AN**: That's it, same old story, different ending... Like it, hate it, sucks? Please review and tell me :)


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